Discipline & the Special Needs Child

Many of us with children know that discipline is an important tool to use while caring for your child. However, special needs children with physical limitations are classified as multi-disabled because of other factors that affect the brains function. This disability has an effect on their cognitive and intellectual abilities to process, store, and receive information or instructions. Cognitive is a term that relates to how the special needs child reasons, uses judgment, and how they process emotions which effects their behavior.

A parent who lacks information on the abilities of their child might consider their behavior to be unchangeable and lack the skills to cope with the behavior. My daughter is classified as multi-disabled and displays many negative behavioral skills, often making it difficult to calm her down, listen, and behave. Granted, as parents we want our special needs child to act as "normal" as possible and become frustrated when they act out. Some might take it personal and consider the behavior a reflection of our lack of being capable of handling our child's behavior. Well smile, because there is HOPE!! First, understand that all living things have the ability to learn, change, and adjust to the environment to which they occupy. While we deal with cognitive limitations due to trauma or no fault of our own, there is a way to help your child better understand and process their feelings and thoughts displayed in their behavior.

I am a firm parent because that works for me. Jordan whines and cries when she is faced with emotions that are hard for her to verbally express. Like most kids, when she doesn't get what she wants she uses whining to express her disappointment. I first had to recognize that Jordan is a teenager who deals with the emotional and physical changes that all teenager experience. She also has a hard time transitioning from one place/thing to another on command. Jordan is also very verbal, and can have a stimulated conversation as long as you keep her on the task/issue at hand. To deal with the whining, my first method is to explain to her that if she is whining I can't understand what is wrong and can not help her. Getting a child with special needs and cognitive/intellectual disabilities to explain what they are feeling takes patience. Her teachers came up with flash cards that show different emotions IE: my afo's hurt, I feel sad, I am hungry, I am frustrated, I am angry, I feel sick.. I ask Jordan to give me the card that shows how she feels and I then proceed to addressing that feeling/emotion. I also give Jordan warnings that if she can't calm down or stop when she's whining, talking out of turn or showing aggression that she will have to be removed from the group until she is ready to join us again. This WORKS!! ;). I use words like stop, listen, and wait to get her to focus on her behavior. I am firm because it works for me. My goal is to not use fear or any other negative action to get her to behave, but to use a firm voice coupled with unconditional love to help her understand what will and will not be tolerated. My objective is to decrease destructive or emotional thoughts that influence negative behavior by helping Jordan to understand that although she may not be able to control every emotion and thought, she can control how she views and deals with her environment that influences her behavior.

I understand that my method may not work for the child who does not process information in the manner to which my child does, but there is still hope. Each child is uniquely designed and deserves to be understood with the terms of their condition. Talk to teachers, caregivers, and behavioral therapist to help you help your child help themselves. Other methods include using a diary/journal to write down feelings and thoughts, yoga to relax, role playing to show them how they sound and look during episodes, and finally medication may be an alternative. The point is, don't look down, but look up! Be strong and know that your child was given to you as a direct reflection of who you are meant to be which is a strong, stern, loving, and caring parent! It will get better!!